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[The nails in his back are borderline painful but Beat doesn't care because now his mind is back in the forest. Scratchy wavering eyes and Shibuya symbols into tree bark while the shadows creep up and whisper into his ear.]
It... Everyone, yo. Peeps I knew. Peeps I liked. Josh. Neku. You. Mockin' me an' callin' me names an'...
[And making him doubt. His eyes squeeze tight and he turns his face into her neck, trying to bury into her.]
[There's silence as she tries to imagine it. The image is unnerving and strange, distinctly nightmarish—and surely enough to discourage him from ever trying it again.]
Oh, how—terrible... You poor thing... You must have been so frightened...
[Her voice is wavering and anguished, as if his terror had been her own. The tightness of her grip remains, almost stifling as her fingers wind into his hair.]
But—everything will be all right now... My darling, it wasn't real—none of it... But I am. And you've come back. [She laughs a little, at once relieved and disbelieving.] You've come back to me. I have you now... I promise you, as long as you are here, with me... I'll keep you safe.
[The sheer encompassing hold on him might weird others out. But for Beat? Right now, it tells him he's SAFE. He's home. There's no shadows whispering their hate and mocking laughter. There's no fog seeping into his brain, consuming his thoughts, urging him into being wild. His breathe as he takes it in his shuddering and for a moment he holds it, before letting it out slowly. Forcing himself to relax. To get off those memories.
The promise of safety makes his lip wibble a little. It's a stark contrast to his blood mother. It's been a long time since he felt safety from a parent, that they cared for him enough to fight the dark.
When he speaks, his voice is soft, almost lost in her shoulder.]
Thank you, Mom. [A hesitance, a sort of timidity that is in contrast with his usual attitude.] Love you.
[She lets out a gentle breath, again in relief.] I know you do. And I love you—so very much...
[Suddenly, her voice dips into a chill.]
So I wonder... How you could have done something so incredibly foolish... Did you not think at all—even for a second—about how worried you would make me?
[The sudden chill in her tone makes Beat's shoulders stiffen, but instead of letting go, he clings tighter, like he's afraid now she'll push him away. Now his hold is borderline painful, tight. The memories of shadows whisper: Stupid boy. Idiot child. Who could want you? Who could love you? Too dumb. Not enough.]
I di'nt think...
[Which is true. He got an idea in his head and went off, half-cocked and full of assurance he'd make his way out again.]
I'm so sorry, yo... I di'nt mean to make you worry... [Don't replace him.]
[Her voice is nearly a hiss when she agrees,] No. You weren't thinking...
[But still he clings to her, lost and afraid and searching for love. The sting of his claws soothes her, even makes her heart flutter. He's still hers after all. Her poor, helpless, beautiful little boy...
Swallowing her anger, she wills both her grip and tone to lighten. Though it's softer, her voice still trembles at the edges, its sweetness forced through undercurrents of fear, pain, misplaced grief.]
But—that's just fine. Because it isn't going to happen again... Isn't that right?
[Suddenly, through her franticness, she remembers—one of her favorite traits of Pookas.]
Promise it to me. Promise me—that you won't do anything like that again. [She draws in a shaking breath. The words sound suddenly even more strained then, as if she might be on the verge of tears.] That you won't go—where I can't follow you—without me knowing...
[This is by far the easiest Oath Beat has ever made, because - quite frankly - he won't be doing it again. Not just disappearing off without taking someone, or warning someone. So when she asks for a promise, there's no hesitance.]
I promise. I ain't gonna do somethin' like that again. I ain't gonna go off on my own alone...
[A little laugh, sort of self-deprecating in tone. The words that follow are definitely such.]
I ain't never been good on my own.
[He's relaxing now, slowly. She's not pushing him away. Calling him worthless, not worth the effort.]
[It's as if he's lifted a crushing weight from her shoulders; she releases a heavy sigh, and all of the remaining tension in her melts away on the exhale, leaving her embrace gentle and soft, as it usually is. She murmurs into his hair.]
Thank you... Such a good boy...
[A little breath of laughter escapes her at his next words.]
Oh, you silly thing... None of us are. [She pauses to plant a kiss on the top of his head, to smooth down tufts of his fur she'd mussed with her fingers.] It isn't right... for any of us to be alone... It's such a terrible thing, isn't it...?
[Calmed by his binding promise, she sighs once more, and the anxious tightness in her voice finally eases. She tries gently to extract herself from his hold—only just enough to get a better look at him.]
Now... Have you eaten? After everything that's happened, you must be just exhausted...
[For a moment his grip tightens when she starts trying to pull away, before he realizes she's just putting a little distance so she can look at him. Then his grip loosens. It doesn't fall away entirely, his claws catching in her clothes, holding on so she can't go further without him.
A child who spent two weeks alone with the voices of his loved ones ripping him apart, whose just seeking some reassurance. Desperate reassurance.
He goes to answer he has eaten, from what he knows, but he stops himself. Because, frankly, the idea of just eating more is still good to him. He wants more food.]
... I have yo but I'm still hungry. I ain't sure if it's somethin' to do wid what was out there but... [But he wants to eat. He wants to eat and sleep curled up in a pile with everyone in his circle.
What's more... he wants to hunt.]
If... if you ain't got food 'round it's okay, I can hunt somethin' down...
[Lusamine takes another moment to study him, briefly brushing his hair away from his face to look into his eyes. She would be glad to hunt for him again, of course, but to say that he's still hungry even after already eating...
She thinks she understands. Perhaps it isn't just the nourishment he wants. He wants the thrill of the hunt.]
[Ah. To have a mother who understands what her child is trying to say, what her son needs without him needing to utter the words. Tension flees from his body the rest of the way, and he offers a smile in return.]
Sounds like a plan to me.
[They've technically eaten together before but never hunted together. Beat's curious to see how it goes.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-05-23 07:55 pm (UTC)It... Everyone, yo. Peeps I knew. Peeps I liked. Josh. Neku. You. Mockin' me an' callin' me names an'...
[And making him doubt. His eyes squeeze tight and he turns his face into her neck, trying to bury into her.]
no subject
Date: 2022-05-30 01:38 am (UTC)Oh, how—terrible... You poor thing... You must have been so frightened...
[Her voice is wavering and anguished, as if his terror had been her own. The tightness of her grip remains, almost stifling as her fingers wind into his hair.]
But—everything will be all right now... My darling, it wasn't real—none of it... But I am. And you've come back. [She laughs a little, at once relieved and disbelieving.] You've come back to me. I have you now... I promise you, as long as you are here, with me... I'll keep you safe.
no subject
Date: 2022-05-31 05:53 am (UTC)The promise of safety makes his lip wibble a little. It's a stark contrast to his blood mother. It's been a long time since he felt safety from a parent, that they cared for him enough to fight the dark.
When he speaks, his voice is soft, almost lost in her shoulder.]
Thank you, Mom. [A hesitance, a sort of timidity that is in contrast with his usual attitude.] Love you.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-01 12:30 am (UTC)[Suddenly, her voice dips into a chill.]
So I wonder... How you could have done something so incredibly foolish... Did you not think at all—even for a second—about how worried you would make me?
no subject
Date: 2022-06-01 07:13 pm (UTC)I di'nt think...
[Which is true. He got an idea in his head and went off, half-cocked and full of assurance he'd make his way out again.]
I'm so sorry, yo... I di'nt mean to make you worry... [Don't replace him.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-12 07:18 am (UTC)[But still he clings to her, lost and afraid and searching for love. The sting of his claws soothes her, even makes her heart flutter. He's still hers after all. Her poor, helpless, beautiful little boy...
Swallowing her anger, she wills both her grip and tone to lighten. Though it's softer, her voice still trembles at the edges, its sweetness forced through undercurrents of fear, pain, misplaced grief.]
But—that's just fine. Because it isn't going to happen again... Isn't that right?
[Suddenly, through her franticness, she remembers—one of her favorite traits of Pookas.]
Promise it to me. Promise me—that you won't do anything like that again. [She draws in a shaking breath. The words sound suddenly even more strained then, as if she might be on the verge of tears.] That you won't go—where I can't follow you—without me knowing...
no subject
Date: 2022-06-14 09:20 pm (UTC)I promise. I ain't gonna do somethin' like that again. I ain't gonna go off on my own alone...
[A little laugh, sort of self-deprecating in tone. The words that follow are definitely such.]
I ain't never been good on my own.
[He's relaxing now, slowly. She's not pushing him away. Calling him worthless, not worth the effort.]
I promise, Mom...
no subject
Date: 2022-06-15 05:23 am (UTC)Thank you... Such a good boy...
[A little breath of laughter escapes her at his next words.]
Oh, you silly thing... None of us are. [She pauses to plant a kiss on the top of his head, to smooth down tufts of his fur she'd mussed with her fingers.] It isn't right... for any of us to be alone... It's such a terrible thing, isn't it...?
[Calmed by his binding promise, she sighs once more, and the anxious tightness in her voice finally eases. She tries gently to extract herself from his hold—only just enough to get a better look at him.]
Now... Have you eaten? After everything that's happened, you must be just exhausted...
no subject
Date: 2022-06-20 08:51 pm (UTC)A child who spent two weeks alone with the voices of his loved ones ripping him apart, whose just seeking some reassurance. Desperate reassurance.
He goes to answer he has eaten, from what he knows, but he stops himself. Because, frankly, the idea of just eating more is still good to him. He wants more food.]
... I have yo but I'm still hungry. I ain't sure if it's somethin' to do wid what was out there but... [But he wants to eat. He wants to eat and sleep curled up in a pile with everyone in his circle.
What's more... he wants to hunt.]
If... if you ain't got food 'round it's okay, I can hunt somethin' down...
no subject
Date: 2022-06-25 10:40 pm (UTC)She thinks she understands. Perhaps it isn't just the nourishment he wants. He wants the thrill of the hunt.]
Shall we go hunting together?
no subject
Date: 2022-06-29 12:37 am (UTC)Sounds like a plan to me.
[They've technically eaten together before but never hunted together. Beat's curious to see how it goes.]
Do you got- have any favorite spot to hunt at?